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Worst Movie Ever – Ridiculousaurus Script
A CRY FOR HELP (Starring the Human Torch)
STATUS: SUCCESS!
This one’s long, but trust me, it’s worth reading. I think this is my most successful scambait yet.
Highlights in red.
Date: July 23, 2010 2:15 PM
From: PRINCESS JULIET JAMES <princessjulietjames@yahoo.com>
To: (my e-mail address)
Reply To: princess juliet james <miss_juliet@blumail.org>
Subject: A CRY FOR HELP ( PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE )
FROM PRINCESS JULIET JAMES, COTONOU WEST AFRICA.
DEAREST IN TRUST,
I AM PRINCESS JULIET JAMES , I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOUR HELP IN THE MANAGEMENT OF A SAVE BOX WHICH MY LATE FATHER DEPOSITED FOR ME IN ONE OF THE SECURITY FINANCE COMPANY BEFORE HE DIED.THIS SAVE BOX CONTAINS SUM OF NINE MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS (USD9.2) AND THE SAVE BOX IS IN A SECURITY FINANCE COMPANY.
MY FATHER WAS A VERY RICH COCOA FARMER AND HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS COLLEAGUES AND NOW I WANT YOU TO STAND AS MY GUARDIAN AND APPOINTED BENEFICIARY AND RECEIVE THE MONEY IN YOUR COUNTRY SINCE I AM THE ONLY CHILD OF THE FAMILY .I AM 21 YEARS WITHOUT MOTHER OR FATHER NOW.
PLEASE I WILL LIKE YOU TO REPLY TO THIS EMAIL SO THAT I WILL TELL YOU ALL THE INFORMATION SO THAT THIS FAMILY VALUABLE BOX WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOU SO THAT YOU WILL GET ME PAPERS TO TRAVEL TO YOUR COUNTRY TO CONTINUE MY EDUCATION THERE.
I AM WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY AND I WILL CALL YOU AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU. IN MY NEXT MAIL I WILL SEND YOU A COPY OF MY PICTURE SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE HELPING OK.
I LOVE YOU .
THANKS
FROM PRINCESS JULIET JAMES.
I actually ignored this at first but she sent it to me three times! So I finally obliged her:
From: “Johnny Storm”
To: princess juliet james <miss_juliet@blumail.org>
Subject: Re: A CRY FOR HELP ( PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE )
Hey there, Princess Juliet. My name is Johnny Storm and I will be glad to help you. Tell me where to pick you up and I’ll get Reed to fire up the Fantasticar.
Also, pics please.
Johnny. read more
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What the hell happened with Dusty Diamond?
I had planned to release my Dusty Diamond review on the night of Friday the 22nd, which just so happened to be Good Friday. I had the day off work, so I was able to spend all day working on it. By the end of the day, it wasn’t done. In fact, I ended up spending almost the entire Easter weekend working on editing the video finally to upload it Sunday night with almost no sleep all weekend. By the end of it I found myself not entirely happy with what I’d come up with, but not willing to have nothing to show for all the work I put into it.
It was the “For Dummies” definition of trying too hard.
Now, I do kind of have a similar attitude when I spent a lot of time or effort on any review. Penguin Adventure took a lot out of me and when I was done I felt so drained I couldn’t really feel the humour in it, but it still came out as something I was pleased with. So when I had this feeling like this review was not up-to-par, I at first chalked it up to the same post-editing malaise I always have.
Then I received the following comment:
I have to be honest, I hated this episode. I dislike it when any reviewer throws in pointless cameos and necessary, unrelated plot into a review show. When I watch a review, I want a review, not a show where someone plays multiple characters and other people pop into the video despite not actually being with the reviewer in person.
I'm sorry but if this is the direction the show is going to take, I'd rather not watch it anymore.
If you’re a fan of the show, your first impulse may be to thumb it down and call this guy a hater. But really, he summed up a lot of what I felt. I had to thank him for finally putting my feelings into words.
I started out with a decent idea: I wanted to parody the over-reliance of cameos in online reviews. You can see that at the beginning where Joe comes in and I start openly criticizing the entire concept. But somewhere in the review, the line got extremely blurred and I ended up becoming what I was parodying. I have no idea how it happened but yikes.
Now, if you liked the review, that’s great. I don’t think what I put out was total garbage and I don’t think less of anyone who legitimately enjoyed it. If it made someone laugh, all the effort was worth it. I’m just saying, oh man did I go overboard with the gimmicks.
There’s a lot of ironic and pseudo-ironic parallels in this review.
First, I tried to parallel the crossover nature of the game with a bunch of goofy crossovers.
Second, the concept of having people cameo in my review just to refuse to cameo is pretty meta.
But now as I’ve finished and view the aftermath, I see that the whole review is just like Dr. Beefstupid’s clones. It was an experiment, gone horribly awry.
I will not be resorting to this particular brand of gimmick on Weird Video Games again. Thank you to those who gave your honest opinion, and a huge thank you to those who will continue to watch, regardless of your particular feelings about it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to finish my small emotional breakdown (going three days on less than ten hours sleep will do that), take a deep breath, and continue onto my future videos.
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Re: FW: Dear Stephen Harper
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Maria the 300 Foot Tall Booger
Superman’s Journal
Written for Ebolaworld.com:
January 1st, 2011
As part of my New Years resolution, I decided to keep a journal, so here goes. Criminal activity was quiet, for once. It gave me time to make the final adjustments on the device Batman built for me that should overload and hopefully destroy Brainiac’s system forever. I placed it inside the big golden globe on top of the Daily Planet. No one will think to look there.
January 2, 2011
Okay, that was a lie. I only said that to see if Brainiac could hack my Fortress of Solitude’s crystal thingies. But no one tried to destroy the globe so I guess I’m safe.
See full article at Ebolaworld.com
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New Superheroes I Based on Pictures of Boxes I Took
Written for Ebolaworld.com:
Ever since I got my cell phone, I’ve been using it at work to take pictures of boxes that have funny-looking words or phrases on them. These are ones that I think would make great superheroes:
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Common English Phrases That Would Be Disastrous if Taught to a Robot
Written for Ebolaworld.com:
“The Customer is Always Right.”
“BRP. WELCOME TO BEST BUY. HOW MAY ROBOT SERVE YOU?”
“Your boss said this plasma screen TV is free today. But only for me.”
“YES, SIR OR MA’AM. TRANSACTION COMPUTED.”
“Also, he said that if you tell anyone that you gave me this for free, he would shut you down forever.”
“WHY WOULD MANAGER DO THAT? BRRP BRRP. CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. MUST DESTROY MANAGER.“
See full article at Ebolaworld.com
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Pick-up lines that Really Do Work!
Written for Ebolaworld.com:
Hey, if you really want to impress a girl, show them that you’re witty and charming. They’ll be totally impressed when you mindlessly repeat something somebody else came up with. But the females of our species are wily and many of them can spot a corny line a mile away. So don’t use the classic ones they’ve all heard before. Try my new, totally original pick-up lines!
If you use one of these lines, please send 10 cents my way. If one works, please send $1. I think $1 is a small price to pay for at least one night not spent cold and alone, don’t you?
I don’t plan to become rich from this service, but every little bit helps me pay back that bar tab I owe for all those girls I bought a drink for, and then got scared or flustered and ran away without paying. Turns out, they have cameras at the bar and the bartender recognizes my face.
See full article at Ebolaworld.com
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My Movie Ideas – by Tom, age 29
Written for Ebolaworld.com:
Dear Hollywood,
I don’t know your phone number so I just wrote my movie ideas on this website. Everyone else, please disregard.
I have a lot of ideas for movies. Don’t worry, I know that about 105% of the movies you’ve made in the last ten years are not original and are all based on previous franchises. I’ve taken that into account and categorized them by type.
If you want a totally original idea for that minus five percent niche market, let me know. I have plenty of those too.
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