I guess at this point I kind of lost interest. In two days she prompted me:
Date: July 29, 2010 11:20 AM
From: princess juliet james <miss_juliet@blumail.org>
Subject: I AM WORRIED (PLEASE GET BACK TO ME )
Dear Johnny,
I am now worried that you had not responded to my message to you .I knew you may not like that my picture I sent you but it is safer that way .I mean not to insult you ok rather to guard against having it in the internet .I promised you of sending my good pictures via the courier delivery service as soon as I read from you .You seem not to understand my true situation at this time else you will not feel offended by that picture .It is just for you to have a glimpse of who you are talking with .Why are upset when you know you will soon see me physically .I have scintillating pictures you will surely treasure to keep but we are just knowing each other and in this case as it is the best is always reserved for the last .Are you in doubt ?
Thanks for your goodness so far. Get me your telephone number so I can call you .
Princess Juliet
Haha, apparently she thought I didn’t reply to her because I didn’t find her attractive or something.
From: “Johnny Storm”
To: princess juliet james <miss_juliet@blumail.org>
Subject: Re: I AM WORRIED (PLEASE GET BACK TO ME )
Princess Juliet, it has nothing to do with your picture. Our headquarters was just attacked by Kang the Conqueror on Monday and many of our systems were damaged. We just got our Internet back online late last night. I’ll send you another message shortly, but we’re still trying to assess the damage. We’re having a meeting with S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow afternoon to discuss the whole situation as Kang is proving to be even more dangerous an opponent as Dr. Doom. I’m sorry that you had to be stuck in the middle of all this. I promise we will do everything we can to help you once the situation is less volatile.
Johnny Storm
Date: July 30, 2010 4:22 AM
From: princess juliet james <miss_juliet@blumail.org>
Subject: I LOVE YOU JOHN
Dear Johnny,
I am very happy reading from you but I am more concerned about your safety .I do not want you get hurt please as you are the only one I trust and can confide in .Can’t we just get this money and start off a good life .Though I like your courage but please be very cautious in every of your move to avoid taking unawares by your enemies .I will be willing to assist you with some reasonable part of my money if you need it for your safety and logical conclusion of your struggle ok but please I do not want troubles now in my life .If you want to come over here that will be fine but we will certainly leave to a better place as soon as possible .I am waiting for your compliance to those requirements I put up to get from you in other to claim the fund . I need have a look at your picture please, do not bother how recent it might look as I know you may not have time and chance taking pictures at this time
Take heart ok for it is going to be alright very soon.
I love you Johnny,
Princess Juliet James
I spent a long time with google trying to find some good images. Sure, there are a ton of appropriate images of Johnny Storm from the movies but he’s always in his costume, on fire, and/or looking away from the camera. But finally I managed.
From: “Johnny Storm”
To: princess juliet james <miss_juliet@blumail.org>
Subject: Re: I LOVE YOU JOHN
Dear Princess Juliet,
Don’t worry about me. We’ve been in worse situations before. We do a lot of work against international threats such as these and it comes with the territory. We just met with S.H.I.E.L.D. and although most of what we discussed is classified, I can tell you that we’ll probably get more funding for our research and defense.
Here are a few pictures from some of our latest photo ops.
The first picture is me. The second is me with my sister Sue, her husband Reed on the left, and on the very right is my buddy Ben Grimm. He’s our pilot. This was taken before our space accident. Ben looks much different now.
How can we keep you safe? The Fantasticar was damaged so we can’t come get you right now. I can ask to borrow some of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s jets but I think we’re already stretching it with our new funding. I might also ask the Avengers for the Quinjet as there hasn’t been much trouble from the Kree or Skrulls lately. Plus, Thor just flies with his hammer anyway.
Please stay safe, Princess Juliet. We’re doing the best we can.
Johnny.
Reviews
All right, that was pretty awesome. Too bad your Nigerian princess wasn’t able to appreciate having the powers and fortune of the Fantastic Four at her disposal.
From hearing you go on, I would have assumed you were a huge Fantastic Four fan. I’ve been curious about them for a while, but have never been sure where to start reading. I thought that when the title was re-launched in March as FF #1, it would be a good place for new fans to jump in. Instead, each issue has been like a giant middle finger to anyone not completely caught up with the continuity. After three issues of unsuccessfully trying to figure out what the hell is going on, I finally gave up.
I’ve never thought of responding to a Nigerian scam in this way- You must have really pissed him (or her) off.
I especially loved the part where she shrugs off your ability to spontaneously catch yourself on fire: “Oh, lots of people in my country do that. It’s not uncommon.”
I ended up reading this post in segments rather than all at once- I started laughing so hard around the end of page #4 that my eyes squeezed shut and wouldn’t open. Oh lord… this just made my day.
Awesome. Glad you enjoyed it. :D
With the shit scratched on the forehead, she reminded me less of Claire Huxtable and more the guy from Stargate.
When I read your comment I couldn’t stop laughing for like five minutes.
For me, the “this is too good” moment was when you introduced Silver Surfer and Galactus into the equation, and then scrolling down to realize… there’s still 4 more pages! I now know that planet-eating aliens will NOT kill a pleasant conversation. Nicely done.
That… was amazing. So many inconsistencies on the scammer’s part as well.
“The lawyer told me that he’s not going to respond to your email asking for the validity of his honorable law firm.”
“Please pay the lawyer the money. Please. I know I have 9 million dollars but I can’t afford to pay less than 2 grand.”
“I am not a minor and can decide my future, but it never occurred to me to use my family fortune to get myself to the United States on my own.”
Then the scammer turns around and says your ability to catch on fire is ridiculous. Come on, how ridiculous is it? You provided a picture of yourself doing it. :D
I like how the scammer puts up with the Galactus threat and you talking about your super powers. But as soon as you mention that you could go back and time and save her father she gives up, despite all the effort in trying to convince you.
I coughed up my chicken teriyaki at the reply to your correction regarding the Ultimate Nullifier. “THAT IS BETTER” killed me. Well played.
ohh man this is awesome :D
I can’t believe some people really fall for these! I think i saw in the news some folks like, CEOs, businessmen, and regular grandpas and mothers fell victim to these and lose all their life savings. In the case of the CEOS, they lose several million. That’s just sad….
And you know what? The scam people even made a video of them prancing around and singing We are Rich and You Are Dumb. Im sure its somewhere on youtube. :D
anyway, great work man!
That was hilarious!!!!1 Thanks for the good laugh.
cheers from Costa Rica