April 5th, 2004. I have Yahoo messenger open and I get a message from some random person.

stickmeindarear: hi... anyone therr?
heisanevilgenius: May I help you?
stickmeindarear: oh your there :) hi...
heisanevilgenius: Uh, hi
stickmeindarear: a/s/l (agesex location)?

At this point I'm convinced that it's some random moron that goes from person to person trying to make online friends and rather than put up with it, I turn off Yahoo. When I come back later I find the following in my history logs:

stickmeindarear: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thoought you might like to chat.
stickmeindarear: soo what have you been up to heisanevilgenius?
stickmeindarear: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny :) (*blushes)
stickmeindarear: feel like a little cyber fun with me ? please please...

So yeah, it's obviously someone trying to plug their porn site. Good riddance, I think. But then on July 8th, I get this:

dimples69032000: hi... anyone therr?

Oh, great. The exact same message and everything.

heisanevilgenius: Apparently not
dimples69032000: oh your there :) hi....
dimples69032000: a/s/l (age sex locatiion)?
dimples69032000: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought youu might like to chat.
dimples69032000: so what have you been up to heisanevillgenius?

Obviously it's a bot. Word for word, it's the same text as the other message. Except I notice this time, my nickname is spelled wrong. Interesting.
I decide to play along.

heisanevilgenius: I have been running my own business
dimples69032000: copl. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny :) (*blushes)
dimples69032000: feel like alittle cyber fun with me ? please please...
heisanevilgenius: How would you define this cyber fun? I am from Canada, you see
dimples69032000: oh well your loss. why dont you open up my profile and see what you missed out on. theres a link there to my homepagee where i have some real nice pics to leave with.
heisanevilgenius: I'm afraid I do not understand. Please explain.
heisanevilgenius: Please don't leave. I'm lonely. I have not had conversation such as this in over four months.
heisanevilgenius: Yesterday I tried to make conversation with my cheeseburger
heisanevilgenius: My belief is that it spoke back, but I will require more testing to be completely sure
heisanevilgenius: I will never forget you, dimples69032000, even though you're obviously a bot

Not much of a response. But at this point I decide that next time I get this message I can have a bit more fun.
The fact that my nickname was misspelled said to me that maybe it wasn't a bot, but in fact some idiot copying and pasting text.
Much, much later (August 8th, exactly one month later) I get this:

cutiepostergoil: hi... anyone therr?

I'm ready.

heisanevilgenius: Yep
cutiepostergoil: oh  your there :) hi...
heisanevilgenius: Just watching tv and feeling horny?
cutiepostergoil: a/s/l (age sex loccation)?
heisanevilgenius: 4/m/south africa
cutiepostergoil: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
heisanevilgenius: Sounds great, you ass
cutiepostergoil: so what have you been up to heisanevilgeenius?
heisanevilgenius: Not much, but I wonder how a bot can misspell my name. Clever. Maybe
cutiepostergoil: cool. i was just hangin out watching  tv. i was getting kinda horny :) (*blushes) 
heisanevilgenius: You don't say
cutiepostergoil: bot? whats that? some kinda insultt or something?

For a moment I thought this was an actual person, but then I quickly realize the bot is programmed to respond to certain words.

cutiepostergoil: feel like a little cyber fun with me  ?  please please...    
heisanevilgenius: Yes
heisanevilgenius: This should be stupid
heisanevilgenius: My loss right?
cutiepostergoil: alright :) how bout i get down oon my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?

Uhm, okay. I didn't expect that. I prepare to backtrack.

heisanevilgenius: Oh never mind
cutiepostergoil: tell me what you want me zo do with you while i slip out of my panties

Hmm. Okay . . .

heisanevilgenius: How about if you stick your head in a vice and I'll tighten it
cutiepostergoil: oh yeah babe.. dont stop. while i slidr my hand down between my legs and part my moist lips
heisanevilgenius: I'm bashing your head in with my mace
heisanevilgenius: Your brains turn from grey to pink in the kitchen's light
cutiepostergoil: oh it feels so good. Im holding your pulsing cock in my hand, my shiny red fingernailss dig gently into your balls, while my full, soft lips engulf the mass of your meat
heisanevilgenius: I began feasting
heisanevilgenius: Bah. This isn't fun anymore
cutiepostergoil: open my website so you can look at me while im sucking you. use the link in my profilr! 
cutiepostergoil: what do you think of my piccs?
heisanevilgenius: You look amazingly like my good friend Frank McKenzo
cutiepostergoil: shit the phone. dont stop strokin it. hold on...
heisanevilgenius: He has one arm and all sorts of zits
heisanevilgenius: We used to throw fruit at him in school
heisanevilgenius: Then one day he vomited until he died
heisanevilgenius: It was sad
heisanevilgenius: I came to his funeral. The food was pretty good
cutiepostergoil: sorry, I have to take this call, proly take bout five minutes. If you want, come to my page and lets finish this. I have my cam on there cyberfungirls dot com look for me on there  
heisanevilgenius: How are you talking? I ate your brains if you remember

The evercontinuing legacy of one man who is far too easily amused.
Would have been nice if there was an actual person to talk to.
My next encounter with this bot will not be so pretty.

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