CIVILIZATION II
PAGE THRICE

It gets a little confusing from there.
After I started building machine-gun-toting Fanatics, the Mongols found the war a little bit annoying.

I made peace with the Mongols, after which the Aztecs offered to make peace with me in exchange for declaring war on the Mongols. I accepted, I think.

The Mongols took over Celt Anal Rape because for some reason I forgot to defend it. (insert raised-eyebrow emoticon)
I managed to reclaim it after building an army of Fanatics. (I love those guys)

For a very long time, the Mongols attack me ceaselessly and am unable to defeat those lovable fanatics. Occasionally they would send emmisaries and inform me that they will cease their attacks if I pay them 100 gold (to which I of course laugh).

After being on the defensive for a while, I attack some newly discovered Mongol cities. When I capture Shangtu, I rename it "Mongols=Stinky".
Also, I discover a very small island city which I attack with a destroyer. The very destroyer that I stole from the Mongols through bribery. Yay!
I also competely wipe out a city called Quinsay. In doing all this, I steal vital technology from them.

Right after all this, they send for me. I get the following message.

Heh heh. Mongols are funny.

The war rages on until my troops march into the Mongol capital of Karakorum.

History lesson, kids. The English were originally rebels from Mongolia.
So yeah, not only have I survived this war with little casualties on my side, but I also stormed the damn capital, stole two wonders of the world, and split the kingdom into rival factions, and still they expect me to PAY them to stop attacking.


After I take another of their major cities they finally ask for peace without putting a price tag on it, so I agree. For now.

Muahahahaha!

Things are going well, until I get this message.

Oh no! I better make it count.











Ooh, are they going to graciously agree to spare me in return for gold?


Nuclear tests?? Is that what they call them these days?

They ask for a permanent peace treaty and when I refuse . . .

This is so poetic. Mmmmmm.

After that, I decide to start randomly attacking everyone.


Probably the ones who took it the hardest were the Celts.

Interesting choice of words. "Rid the world of your worthless civilization." I rather like that.



The rest of them I killed the old fashioned way. I used cheats to materialize tanks and nuclear missiles out of thin air.


Amusingly, rebel that he is, Abe Lincoln leads a revolt against the Aztecs when it splits into the American faction.

They ask for peace. Naturally I refuse.

What the?
Okay.

You know, they're starting to sound less cordial.
I hope while they're making us taste steel it somehow saves them from NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST.




For evil overlords everywhere, from nerds with lesser nerds for minions to James Bond villains, this is the common dream that I have now fulfilled.


It was only a short matter of time before victory was mine.






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