THE SIMS
PAGE ONE

Yes, it's late 2004 and the Sims 2 has just come out, and here I am picking up and dusting off a copy of The Sims Deluxe Edition, which is two years old (one year old for me, since I bought it for my sister last Christmas).
I've decided that it's about time I used the Sims to its full potential, which is to say, my amusement at the horrendous crimes that are commited against the characters.

There were several familes already there, and rather than risk getting my sister mad by killing her favouite characters, I went to an empty neighbourhood and created my first family, the Shoe family.
The Shoes would be the clerics of my evil bidding, those who would hear my voice and act accordingly.
The first is Ying Shoe.

Eww, that picture's horrible. Sorry. The Sims snapshots don't come out very well.

Next, is Ying's lovely wife, Wilma.

As you can see, next to her is Ying and Wilma's daughter, Space Retard.

Yes, I can see these people are truly worthy to do my great bidding.
Now, I give them a house. Of course, I cheat to give myself a lot of money. This is the Sims, remember. If you don't cheat, it's just one stupid frustration after another. So I give them a fairly nice house to start with, knowing there's probably something I forgot to add (knowing me, it's a toilet or something), but will get to later.

I'll give you the guided tour.


This is the first room. I took the lazy way out, so this is a dining room, living room, and kitchen all in one.


Here's Ying and Wilma's room. Even if you intend for your Sims to be a married couple, when you first start out, they will act as if they don't know each other and will not sleep in the same bed, so I made sure there was a sofa in the main room.


This is Space Retard's Room. Her room and her parents room both have their own bathroom in addition to a guest bathroom so I don't have to deal with stupid nattering.


I put a hot tub on the roof. I figured it would be more fun if a hot tub were in full view of the public.


And finally, on the second floor, is my dungeon, where many evil deeds will take place.

Unfortunately, the pitfalls of building a house in an empty neighbourhood include not having neighbours. I then realized, I would have to create my own victims.
Once the Shoe's house is complete, I add a second family. They are the Buttblasters.


Now, I need a swinging bachelor. Someone the town all knows and loves.
The Sims has a feature that allows you to use your own face to create a sim, so I start going through some images from my mom's digital camera to find one of myself that looks good. I quickly realize I'm being an enormous idiot, and download a picture of Mojo Jojo instead.
I name him Sauve Creamsoda (because there was a can of cream soda on my desk when I was trying to come up with a name)

The Sims "Photo Face Wizard" wasn't particularly wizardful, so Mojo's head didn't look very good at any angle except for straight ahead.
I made up for this possible social setback with a spider-man costume.

There. Now, I didn't want to use up a whole family on one person, so I decided to give Suave a roommate. A female roommate, that way he can get a little action on the side. And thus, Saucy Creamsoda was born.

And then I decided to add one more roommate--a man. Just because.
He is Ruhpal Rivastahnann Creamsoda.

I suffer a mild annoyance that all the characters have to have the same last name, but I just assert to myself that they are not related and move on.

I just need one more family. Going by Nanami's suggestion, I name them the Fodder family.
I don't even bother with personality for these people. I give them all absolutely zero personality.
First, there's Fart Fodder, an Asian man in a kilt.
Secondly, Fartfart Fodder, a Sherlock Holmes in a green bathrobe.
Third, Meatball, a woman in a sparkly black dress.
Fourth, since I downloaded a lot of superhero costumes a while back and wasn't making the most of them, I made a black woman in a green lantern costume called Jaquel.
Fifth, Alexo, a man dressed like Napolean if he were to wear a bandana on his head.
Sixth, Chimpchimp, also dressed like Napolean, but also wearing a Batman mask.
Seventh, Eleytra, which is essentially Wonder Woman dressed like a 60s hippie.
And finally, screw subtlety, I make Superman.


 

I am now ready to Rule this neighbourhood, nay, the world!

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