Bionic Commando

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[edit] Information

Image:Bioniccommando.png

Video Game

Year: 1988

Publisher: Capcom

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System

Summary:

A soldier with a bionic arm goes on a mission to save his comrade from a fascist regime that's definitely not Nazi Germany.

[edit] Screenshots

[edit] Intro

You know the guy.

Yes, the BADDs. You know.
Totally different from the NAZIs.

Uh, that's "Albatross."

Generalissmo? Is that his name or his rank?

Super Joe. Best codename ever.

[edit] Let's talk to some guys

Image:Bioniccommando_neutral1.png Image:Bioniccommando_neutral2.png Image:Bioniccommando_neutral3.png

Remind me not to be violated.

Image:Bioniccommando_takecare.png

Says the guy in a neutral area where he's not allowed to attack me, before running along to wherever it is he was going.

Image:Bioniccommando_superjoe1.png Image:Bioniccommando_superjoe2.png

"Although I do have a cousin named Black Panther, and there was this one guy who went to my church who was named Galactus: Devourer of Worlds"

Image:Bioniccommando_leader1.png Image:Bioniccommando_leader2.png
Image:Bioniccommando_leader3.png Image:Bioniccommando_leader4.png Image:Bioniccommando_leader5.png

Mr. Killt is the greatest name for a fascist dictator ever conceived.

Image:Bioniccommando_beta.png

How did he pronounce that?

Image:Bioniccommando_hasty1.png Image:Bioniccommando_hasty2.png

That's an odd enough thing to say without considering that we're both in an empty room. There's nowhere to advance.

Image:Bioniccommando_delta.png

Stop that!

Image:Bioniccommando_destroyer1_1.png Image:Bioniccommando_destroyer1_2.png

That would be nice. Nice name, by the way.

Image:Bioniccommando_destroyer2.png Image:Bioniccommando_destroyer3.png

Did you all have the same wickedly uncreative mom?

"OH,WE'VE GOT A LITTLE BOY NOW?"
"OH,WE'VE GOT A LITTLE BOY NOW?"

Zing!

That was easy. All I did was walk towards him.

Image:Bioniccommando_MrJoe.png

Wait, so Joe is his actual last name? Does that mean his first name is Super?

Image:Bioniccommando_planrevealed1.png Image:Bioniccommando_planrevealed2.png Image:Bioniccommando_planrevealed3.png
Image:Bioniccommando_planrevealed4.png Image:Bioniccommando_planrevealed5.png

Before the project gets too big? The leader of a large fascist regime has already mobilized an army and set up a secret headquarters where he attempts to resurrect Hitler Master D so he can build a giant laser cannon. At what point does the project become too big?

Image:Bioniccommando_BScode1.png

Image:Bioniccommando_BScode2.png

Sure. That makes perfect sense.
Note: I beat the game and I really have no idea what this means.

I'll miss you, Hal. :(

"You take the bazooka? I thought you were giving it to me."

[edit] The Highlight

"GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE, YOU NERD!"
"GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE, YOU NERD!"

Wow. This motherfrakker means business.

[edit] Radio Messages

Image:Bioniccommando_wiretapping.png

The preface to every single message you receive via radio. At the very least, don't you think they could have aligned it better?

Image:Bioniccommando_goodweapon.png

Hey, yeah. Those rocket launcher are good weapon.

Image:Bioniccommando_elevator1.png Image:Bioniccommando_elevator2.png

I would love to meet the person who wrote this dialogue and figure out exactly what was going on in his mind.

Image:Bioniccommando_hide1.png Image:Bioniccommando_hide2.png

So, you're not going to tell me where you hid them? Thanks a loaf.

Image:Bioniccommando_gagaga.png

If I'm not getting a coded transmission from a baby, I don't know what's going on.

Image:Bioniccommando_spy1.png Image:Bioniccommando_spy2.png

Yes, I am from the Federation. It is good to speak to a spy from the Federation. We are both doing important work for the Federation.
Besides the awkward sentences, I love how he's so quick to reveal that he's a spy to the first person who picks up a radio.

Image:Bioniccommando_rocket1.png Image:Bioniccommando_rocket2.png

That's... not a logical answer to the question.

Image:Bioniccommando_garbage1.png Image:Bioniccommando_garbage2.png

I don't even know where to start with this one.

Image:Bioniccommando_bossroom.png‎

Did Dopeface here just break the fourth wall by referring to the guy I have to fight as the boss? Or are we playing some sort of office prank? Either way, I wonder how he can unlock the door over the radio.

Image:Bioniccommando_transfer1.png Image:Bioniccommando_transfer2.png

Working for a mad dictator does something to your brain.

Image:Bioniccommando_deltaagain.png‎

Yeah, so can making some friggin' sense.

"BLOW UP! WE WANT TO BLOW UP THIS AREA."
"BLOW UP! WE WANT TO BLOW UP THIS AREA."

I like this commander's style. Whether or not they actually have explosives is immaterial. He's just so consumed with the need to blow something up that he can't contain his excitement.

Image:Bioniccommando_break1.png Image:Bioniccommando_break2.png

There's a lot of redudancy in this game.

[edit] Bosses

Image:Bioniccommando_pipipi1.png Image:Bioniccommando_pipipi2.png

Is that pronounced like the greek letter Pi, or is this fearsome robot going around making noises like "Pee pee pee"? Either way it sounds dumb.

Image:Bioniccommando_dues1.png Image:Bioniccommando_dues2.png

This actually sort of made sense until he told me to pay my dues.

Image:Bioniccommando_here1.png Image:Bioniccommando_here2.png

You really have a way with words, Mr. Scary Robot Face Man.

Image:Bioniccommando_tooearly.png

Um, right.

Why would he be surprised to see him there if he was there before?

Oh, and it's spelled "Albatross."

Image:Bioniccommando_killt7.png

Is anyone remotely surprised at this outcome?

All that censorship and they don't even bother to disguise Hitler.

"Damn" is a step up from "heck", I guess.

Albatross! It's spelled albatross! Jeez!

Image:Bioniccommando_tooearly2.png

There's something oddly familiar about this, but I can't put my finger on it.

[edit] Items

What? Like a machine gun? Or is it like a device that you attach to your gun that rapidly squeezes the trigger for you?

What's this "we", anyway? Like the royal we?

Too easy.

[edit] Miscellaneous

Image:Bioniccommando_midget1.png Image:Bioniccommando_midget2.png Image:Bioniccommando_midget3.png

You'll find many vehicles in this game are operated by little people.

Image:Bioniccommando_extralife.png

Why does an extra life look like a doll?

Image:Bioniccommando_goggles.png

This crazy guy remote controls small flying robots to fly in circles and for some reason the most remarkable thing I find about him is those weird goggles.

Image:Bioniccommando_kong1.png Image:Bioniccommando_kong2.png

This guy reminds me of a certain other video game I've once played. Hold on, it'll come to me. I think it ended with -onkey Kong.

Image:Bioniccommando_actionline.png

Best action line ever.

Well, that was gruesome.

Um, this is the same game where an enemy soldier called me a nerd, right?

Image:Bioniccommando_explod.png Image:Bioniccommando_explod2.png

You'd think they'd at least proofread the parts of the game that everyone is going to read.

[edit] Ending

Ladd?

All kinds of grammatical weirdness here. It even changes from present tense to past tense.

When I tell war stories to my grandkids, I'm going to make up stuff about robots, bionic arms, midgets, and how I personally blew up Hitler.

[edit] Credits

Is someone actually named Windy,
or did they misspell Wendy?

Gesundheit.

I hope his name is monosyllabic.
Mr. Ff would be a great name.

[edit] Video Clips

What just happened?

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