From Wackywiki

Contents 1 Archie Comics 1.1 Main Story 1.1.1 Archie and "The Gang" 1.1.2 Archie 3000 1.1.3 Caveman Archie 1.1.4 Little Archie 1.2 Josie and the Pussycats 1.2.1 Characters 1.3 Sabrina the Teenage Witch 1.3.1 Characters 2 Comics

[edit] Archie Comics

Archie is to teenagers what SuperFriends is to science.

They don't know a single thing about them, even though that's what they exclusively write about.

Primarily the comic is about teenagers in high school, and is an attempt to be funny and relevant to children, usually failing to do either. Yet, it still makes money as the comic is continually produced for years, spawning many spinoff series that are all exactly the same as the original.

[edit] Main Story

Most stories take place in Riverdale, where Archie and the "gang" hang out, go to school, play in a stupid band called The Archies (no, I'm absolutely serious) and deal with minor issues that only teenagers care about before they learn about how life actually works.

[edit] Archie and "The Gang"

Archie Andrews

Archie is a redheaded klutzy teenager that's always getting detention in school and is only interested in girls. He's often portrayed as being pretty dumb, but is occasionally smart enough to solve mysteries. He's in a long-term sort-of relationship with Veronica, but spends a lot of time with Betty as well. And Cheryl. And other girls who come along and disappear quite frequently. He's like an incredibly lame mack daddy. He also has other talents that come and go conveniently. He's usually the star player on the football team, or soccer team, or baseball team, or the fastest runner in school, or the best dancer or whatever the writers decide he should be good at despite being horrendously clumsy. Other times he's the guy who's always getting tackled, or getting scored upon, or is always missing the pop flies, or tripping over the hurdles, or getting judo-tossed or whatever. As long as someone can make an attempt at irony or a really bad pun, Archie is whatever the story needs him to be.

He has a car that's always breaking down and this is somehow meant to be a hilarious running gag.

Jughead Jones

Archie's best friend Jughead is famous for three things: His hat, his eating disorder, and his dislike of girls. Luckily fat people and homosexuality don't exist in Archie Comics so he never puts on weight or makes out with dudes. Jughead actually has been in a few relationships with women before but these tend to be very brief. Otherwise his attitude towards women ranges from asexual disinterest to violent misogyny. Yet, women seem to tolerate him and sometimes even love him. As Archie's best friend, Jughead is usually his voice of reason, explaining to him why he shouldn't stick things in his ear.

Veronica Lodge

Archie's incredibly rich sorta-girlfriend is often snobby but occasionally very down-to-earth depending on how much the writers want the readers to relate to her in any given story. Her feelings for Archie are sometimes genuine. Other times she uses her relationship with Archie to power-monger, make Betty jealous, or an excuse to make Archie jump through hoops for her. Yet, the fanbase loves her.

Betty Cooper

Betty is the sweet girl next door who's in love with Archie for some reason. Unfortunately, Archie is a complete and utter tool that keeps chasing after Veronica. Attempts to make her seem like a more likable goody-good make her often come off as square and naive. Still, tell me you wouldn't want to hit that. Despite Veronica dating the man she loves and treating him like crap, Betty and Veronica are best friends.

Reggie Mantle

Archie's rival and worst enemy, but sometimes best friend, Reggie is constantly competing with Archie for Veronica's affections. Except when he's constantly bragging and stroking his ego. Oh, and he's also constantly hitting on Moose's girlfriend Midge. And constantly playing pranks on everyone. He's like four full-time assholes. But still, on rare occasions he and Archie get along. He's even part of Archie's band for some reason.

Moose

Moose is the big, tough, dumb guy. You can tell he's dumb because the writers subtly add "DUH" to every sentence he says. He's incredibly jealous and is constantly assaulting anyone (usually Reggie) who he thinks is after his girlfriend. Possibly the most two-dimensional character in the Archie universe. Every storyline he's a part of revolves around him beating someone up or just being dumb. Even when it's an attempt to give him more depth, such as exploring his creative side, he can't write a poem without "duh" being in it, and he can't draw a painting without his disproportionate strength destroying the canvas.

Dilton Doiley

Dilton is the stereotypical nerd. He's like Steve Urkel if you take away his catch phrases, clumsiness, and any irony. He wears glasses, gets straight As, uses big words, and invents crap that shouldn't work but somehow does. If the characters ever need to do something strange like spy on someone, Dilton just so happens to have a miniature camera they can use. If they need to get to France quick, he has--I don't know--a teleporter or something? If the writers decide, "Hey, instead of a slapstick comedy about Archie trying to prevent his ice cream from spilling, I feel like doing a story about time travel" they can make Dilton pretty much invent it. Yet, he's not rich and still goes to school.

Chuck Clayton

The token black guy. In other stories, race might play into the story some way, but in Archie Comics, skin colour is totally unnoticed and never commented on. Chuck's character is based on two dimensions: Sports and Art. When he's not playing whatever sport he's playing, he's drawing comics.

Midge

Moose's girlfriend. Most of the time she appears in the comic, it's because she's apologizing for Moose or going behind his back with Reggie. So basically, this is the G-rated version of an abusive co-dependent relationship where one partner is having an affair.

Big Ethel

Ethel is ugly as bleached crap and is totally psychotically infatuated with Jughead. Even if Jughead liked girls, he's not going near that crazy broad. Her whole life is rather depressing, frankly. All the other characters at least have a love interest once in a while. The only time she ever gets any is when she somehow tricks Jughead into going on a begrudging date.

Cheryl Blossom

At some point the writers decided that Archie's interest being divided between Veronica and Betty wasn't enough and hastily invented a new girl for Archie to date. She's barely ever seen and only seems to exist whenever Betty and Veronica need a common rival to unite them. As far as I can tell, Cheryl is pretty much just another Veronica but with red hair.

Mr. Lodge

Veronica's dad is the only parent that seems to have any character development. Being the rich guy, he owns whatever company the story calls for. If the gang wants to protest a big business, Mr. Lodge is the guy they appeal to. If they need to raise money, it's usually Mr. Lodge who ends up making the big donation. He's the hero or the villain depending on the current story's perspective on capitalism or money. He and his priceless possessions are the constant victim of Archie's clumsiness. Yet another person who'd be so much happier if Archie just dated Betty, for crap's sake.

Mr. Weatherbee

The school principal. He's the fat scholarly version of Mr. Lodge that Archie deals with at school. Archie's clumsiness and slacking usually gets himself and sometimes both of them in trouble. At least Mr. Lodge can kick Archie out of his house. Mr. Weatherbee can only give him detentions.

[edit] Archie 3000

It's Archie... in space! Pretty much it's the result of the Archie writers wishing they were the writers for the Jetsons. Most of the gags revolve around goofy futuristic technology. They also all have really terrible hairstyles.

[edit] Caveman Archie

It's Archie and the gang if they were all cavemen. They don't seem to have parents and there are no trappings of society, so at least there's a semblance of a point to the setting.

[edit] Little Archie

Little Archie is pretty much the exact same setting and characters except Archie and his friends are all kids. Yeah, I don't know what the point is, either.

[edit] Josie and the Pussycats

Josie and the Pussycats is about girls being girls and hanging out, about what life is like playing in a band, and about dumb slapstick: Three story elements already covered by Betty and Veronica, the Archies, and the entirety of Archie Comics.

[edit] Characters

Josie

Melody

Valerie

Alex

Isn't this guy pretty much just Reggie?

[edit] Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Dilton's ability to invent absolutely anything to fill any plot niche didn't allow the Archie writers enough creative freedom, so they came up with a teenage witch who can magically do whatever she wants. What is the nature of her powers? What are their limits? Who the hell knows.

[edit] Characters

Sabrina

Sabrina is... well... her personality is... I don't know. She's just a witch. I guess she's otherwise meant to be just a regular teenage girl. She likes boys, I guess. And she sometimes goes shopping... honestly I have no idea what's interesting or unusual about her besides her powers and relationships.

Salem

Sabrina's talking cat. Yep.

Aunt Hilda

Sabrina's aunt: Often disapproving, often supportive, sometimes Sabrina's best friend for some reason.

This article is incomplete. More content coming soon.

[edit] Comics