Wall Street Kid

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[edit] Information

Image:Wallstreetkid.png

Video Game

Year: 1990

Publisher: Sofel

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System

Summary:

Nothing more exciting than a stock market simulator. Now doesn't that sound like loads of fun? I'm surprised this company hasn't made an insurance salesman simulator, or a game where you fill out police reports.

[edit] Wackiness

[edit] Cast

Image:Wallstreetkid_cast1.png Image:Wallstreetkid_cast2.png Image:Wallstreetkid_cast3.png
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Image:Wallstreetkid_cast10.png Image:Wallstreetkid_cast11.png Image:Wallstreetkid_cast12.png
Image:Wallstreetkid_cast13.png Image:Wallstreetkid_cast14.png Image:Wallstreetkid_cast15.png

These names started out pretty bad (It's spelled Priscilla, idiots) but then they got really gimmicky where everyone has a name that starts with the same letter as their profession. Then they just stopped trying.
Honestly. Why would you buy a car from a cranky car dealer? What's a tuff stereoman? What about Art the Artsy Artist? That's not alliteration, that's just the same word three times!

Also, who besides me thinks that Art and Austin are secretly the same person?

[edit] Intro

I don't know what's worse. The fact that Wall Street Kid is grinning like a moron, or the fact that Larry seems pretty smug about the whole thing.

You may have already won!

Maureen and her girlfriends always get together at Marjie's house to catch up on the local real estate gossip.

You son of a b-... Oh.

[edit] Stocks

Image:Wallstreetkid_stock0.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock1.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock2.png
Image:Wallstreetkid_stock3.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock4.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock5.png
Image:Wallstreetkid_stock6.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock7.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock8.png
Image:Wallstreetkid_stock9.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock10.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock11.png
Image:Wallstreetkid_stock12.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock13.png Image:Wallstreetkid_stock14.png

The puns. They burn.

[edit] Headlines

...the heck?

They can't just parody the corporation names, they have to come up with cute alternatives to planets? At least I assume that's what "Plutosos" is supposed to mean. I can really only make vague guesses here.

They must be pretty bad shots.

Why didn't they make that game instead of a stock market simulator?

[edit] Main Game

Image:Wallstreetkid_Stanley.png

There's a great career for you. Charging people $500 so you can explain to them what the stock market is. The greatest part about this is that you can give him the $500, find out how to play, then reset the game.

Remind me to stay single.

There is not one time in the entire game that I've ever been able to convince Prisila to go to the carnival. Why is it even an option if she'll always say no?

Whoa, the phone's growling at me.

How does he know we're friends?

Either he picks up on a lot of gossip or he's a very nosy and presumptuous real estate broker.

What? Is Ralph going through my garbage? How does he know about my credit situation?

"HI, HONEY! I REALLY LOVE DOGS."
"HI, HONEY! I REALLY LOVE DOGS."

Hey, I just had the sudden urge to buy a living breathing creature! Can you enable my impulsive behaviour while at the same time make a puppy suffer for the rest of its short life?

Wh-- Hey! I didn't say that!

I love how there's a big exclamation mark after "neither".

Mwahaha! Take that, Prisila's self-esteem.

The look on Wall Street Kid's face is absolutely priceless. That's not a "I just ruined my life" expression. It's more of a "Stop it, you're scaring me."

Larry the Lofty Lawyer is one smug S.O.B.

He even holds contempt for the 4th wall.

Image:Wallstreetkid_yeshouse1.png

Why would you want to invite Larry to your wedding? He's creepy. Besides, he keeps making these stupid decisions for you. Just by telling him about the wedding, Wall Street Kid is suddenly obligated to buy a $700,000 yacht. Jeez, even if it's a tradition to have a honeymoon on a yacht, can't he just rent one?

Whoa, they like totally have my generation pegged! Gnarly!

I fail to see how calling people "dude" earns him a reputation as being a tuff stereoman.

It's bad enough that Larry decides you need to
make extravagant purchases, but now he's actually
picking out yachts for you? Does Larry even have
a life of his own?

How convenient.

Wall Street Kid's got such a dynamic personality.

Image:Wallstreetkid_marriage.png

...what the hell does Larry have planned?

Well, I'm glad you love me unconditionally and not because of material wealth.

This is some amazing dialogue. Such gripping drama. Can you imagine if people really talked like this in real life?
"This sure is a successful party!"
"Yes, dear. I agree that this party has achieved some arbitrary form of success. Wanna dance?"
"Dancing? At a party? This is revolutionary thinking. I love it!"
"Good. You go first."

[edit] Ending

If you made it big, tell me you wouldn't want a picture of you holding a big bag of money.
That makes sense. What I don't get is why he's carrying a briefcase that says "TOP SECRET" on it.

"If not for you, I would have died of starvation from my complete lack of life skills!"

Oh screw you. What kind of banker leaves work just to jeer at you for becoming successful?

I talked to this guy once and turned down his offer to explain the stock market for $500. I suppose it's safe to assume I'm his closest friend.

Walled? Thru? What language is this and why does it bear a distinct resemblance to English?

Not more pets, or more expensive pets. Larger ones.
"Hello. I'd like to buy a four foot tall three hundred pound cat."

That's a really wise career move there, Cal. Going from a small business owner to answering to the constant whims of some rich jerk you barely know and his flaky girlfriend who likes to spend four hours shopping.

Oh g- YES BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO PAY LOTS MORE MONEY ON FLASHY CLOTHING THAT NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO SEE.
Although if I ever have to go to the emergency room, I'll bet the doctors will be impressed.
"Hey, snazzy underwear. This guy's got it made."

This game really really had to end with a pun, didn't it? Someone please dig this game out of my brain with an ice cream scoop.

[edit] Music

Background Music

Hopefully just hearing this music play through three times will be enough to cure you of ever wanting to play Wall Street Kid. This music repeats endlessly for the entire game!

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